I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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