Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
