I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
