I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
