I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
