So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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