I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize