I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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