her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
