Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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