is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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