I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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