I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
