Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
