Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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