I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think my vagina is haunted
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
