In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
