Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
