she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
