her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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