she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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