I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
