i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
