I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize