honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
