Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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