explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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