i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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