Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.

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(312): View more from Illinois

i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

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(702): View more from Nevada

explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

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(310): View more from California

So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

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(816): View more from Missouri

That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.

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(831): View more from California

ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.

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(905): View more from Ontario

If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever

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