Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
