oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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