remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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