I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
