I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
