Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
