Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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