Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
