He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
