is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
