You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i think i scared a bird with my dick
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
