I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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