I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
