Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize