So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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