How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
