I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
