he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
