Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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