i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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