We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
