a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
