there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
