i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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