I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
