i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize