I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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