I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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