Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
