I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
