In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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