ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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