after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
