Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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