I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
