Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
