wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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