I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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