I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You work out of a Hotel?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
