$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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