well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
