Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize