he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
