She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
