Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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