I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dicks are not precious.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
