So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
