Duck Duck Cougar?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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