I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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