i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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