ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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