ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
