I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
