Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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