think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
