How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
