It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
