Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
