i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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