i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
