You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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