i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
