you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
