they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
