the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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