Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
