I just pynch a tree in the face
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
