She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
