Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
