i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
