Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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