The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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