Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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