I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
