he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
