For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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