I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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