K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
