oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
