o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i dont even know how to be here
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
