And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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