y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
