did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize