if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
pop tarts are not kleenex
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
