Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
