I hate your face
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
