i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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