i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
