oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize