He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
