Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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