I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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