yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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