There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She is in my trunk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
